I am creating a transitional space between two places. I am making it all up.

18/11/2004
I am writing a paper “Name Post Card Encounters Journey Home” – it is a part of my PhD research. Magdalena Makeup project lives on through this paper, through my continuous thinking about it, through modifications that it will have in practice in future. My deadline for the paper expires on 23/11, just 6 days before my 30 th birthday. I need to get on with it really…
This website is for me frozen in time. It is still 29/11/2004 – my 30 th birthday. It is me writing from the past into future. It is my post card.
I am in Barcelona. I am celebrating. Wish you were here.

09/11/2004
…
Three mothers brought in their kids. The kids relaxed me. Their presence is more important than mine is. It was all without my self-imposed rules. It was simple and receptive… I had to hold a little 2 month old – in my self-imposed character of Mary Magdalene – while his mum was putting her boots on. Anita, another mother, kept on talking to Rosie, her daughter, during the video… explaining things to her… I was getting changed into Mary Magdalene and Rosie was transfixed by my wig: I couldn’t resist the temptation of playing for her.
…
The atmosphere was eerie. Some local teenage lads were smoking pot outside. People were coming one by one: Ilva, Fiona, Andrew, Ken, Anita, Amra. It was dark. The bell sounded like an alarm. I kept thinking about these lads storming in and raping me, or even worse, knicking my laptop and camera.
…While with Ken just after Andrew, I kept thinking about what these lads must be thinking… a girl in a silky red dress lets one guy out and another one comes in… they just keep coming…
I started being elsewhere… outside with the doors and lads and pot… It was here/now that mattered more than my self-imposed performance and art work.
…
Magdalena Makeup was originally devised as a kind of an erotic sexual pushing of the boundaries. I planned on meeting solely male members of the audience individually and seducing them while making sure they recognize my power. Hardly any men came to my invited individual meeting. In Dubrovnik, they were either artists themselves, or boyfriends of girlfriends that came, or my husband. In Liverpool, there were again rather safe checked up friends. There was no need to preach power game to them.
Eroticism (be it with men or women) was lost on me the second I started doing the encounters… since the moment I became busy, I started working.
I would never do these individual meetings again. The audience members are not too keen on them, and I am not really after some kind of an intimate encounter with each individual. Why loose time pretending we are both special, when my aim lies elsewhere.
I could have sat everyone down collectively and played my film for them… During that time I could have anointed so many people’s feet… The more distanced we are from each other the harder the impact.

08/11/2004
… My live art event provided a parallel reality to the birthday party happening next door. My ‘staff room’ was a place of rest, contemplation, difference. It was an excuse to leave the kids behind for 15 minutes and indulge in something unusual.
… As I was applying make up and washing my face and reapplying make up and washing my face anew for each new member of the audience, my eyes started to sting and tears would well up and my face was sore… I was deliberately doing it… and all that make up application and removal made me appear rather ‘right for the part of a penitent whore’ and yes, it worked but also on the other hand I kept on asking myself: ‘Is this really worth it? Why am I being silly, physically hurting myself in order to fool the audience psychologically?’
… Since all of my audience members (except for one) knew me in some capacity or another… after a while it felt silly to fool them, to deliberately make them uneasy. The more time past the friendlier I became… I kept on changing. I realized that I learn while doing the process, in performance…

05/11/2004
The day before the event. I am calm. It simply can’t go badly, even though my dreams tell me otherwise. I don’t believe in dreams though.
The postcard stickers Sonja sent haven’t arrived yet; the ointment I originally brought from Dubrovnik spilled, Zrinka’s sent replacement never arrived… but I ordered St John’s Wort Oil off the internet and have kept the myrtle sprig in the alabaster jar… still need to get some rosemary essential drops… So I am making the ointment anew… Will do it tomorrow morning, as I am still hopeful postman will surprise me.
The Biennial Independent never got me sorted with the space; Jacki and other local ‘healing people’ never let me use their room for the project, but Rupert from the Lark Lane Community Centre was helpful and so was Irene from Pre-School. I am doing it in the Staff Room that I still haven’t seen, but I am sure it will be fine. I know it has roller blinds and a sink in it and that is great. I am excited about the venture.
My project is in progress, it is experiment… but also it is all it is in this time and space. It makes sense, I am doing it for the mothers, friends and colleagues that I know, have invited and will be later talking to. Magdalena Makeup is a gift to them.

15/10/2004
It is Bach and Pogorelich again. I am re-editing the footage according to the chosen music. It’s a game.

14/10/2004
I found out that Derrida died. He wrote such great love letters.
I am struggling to find suitable music for my Liverpool live art event. Music I choose is either too good, or too strong, or too sad, or too anything but right. I am still hoping for that ‘click’ – that’s it.
I talked to Zrinka on the phone. The ointment has been sent. I am waiting… It can take as long as two weeks.

13/10/2004
Magdalena has become ‘the inauthentic figure’. My aim is to bring that inauthenticity to Liverpool, to my L17 home. I need to bring the inauthentic Foreigner – the one who is made up.

11/10/2004
Extract from email to Elaine:
“i still have no confirmed date for my 'magdalena makeup' event - which is starting to worry me a bit. i might start organizing it myself - which would mean i would do it in 'old police station', lark lane community centre - where toddler's group and pre-school are situated. in that sense it would connect to my 'medea/mothers' clothes' - it would be like bringing " dubrovnik me" back to them. i think i will make my decision the beginning of next week, after i contact the biennial independent again.

at the moment i am reading about feminist autobiography and i am re-editing my dubrovnik 'magdalena makeup' video as inspired by the reading... which is good. i believe that lots of theoretical things are much clearer to me now as i am looking at them through practice.”

4/10/2004
Extract from email to Elaine:
“i experimented with the idea of bringing 'the Other/Foreigner' into the piece – Medea/Mothers’ Clothes www.medeamothersclothes.org performed during ‘emergency’ platform for live art in green room, Manchester on 1/10 - (as we discussed at our last meeting: connecting Medea with Magdalena) so I performed the washing of mothers' clothes in my Magdalena Makeup costume - the one I brought from Dubrovnik. I think it made sense. I found it easier to perform in Magdalena Makeup costume- it was clearly an act - and as I removed the costume and the wig from myself, and put on Medea's wet costume... there seemed to be a point of ongoing transformation... I am already thinking of connecting that wet costumed Medea with Joan of Arc. Costume seems to take on an important role in my work: as it stands now I am starting it all off in Oxfam (that invisible Other) red dress going into Magdalena Makeup costume (the one provided by my family) and entering the stage for Medea/Mothers' Clothes as supposedly 'authentic Foreign me' that confronts the reality of motherhood in Liverpool together with other mothers from the area. I am not sure where wet Medea costume could take me to, but since Joan of Arc's soldier's costume is definitely one of her important assets... maybe I could take it from there…”

20/09/2004
The ointment I brought from Dubrovnik spilt. There is nothing left… The smell of Our Lady’s Oil and rosemary is in my Liverpool flat. My friend Zrinka will send me some Our Lady’s Oil and Rosemary essential oil. I hope it will arrive in time and in one piece.

05/09/2004
Extract from email to Elaine:
“I am still in Dubrovnik and I am finishing the process of gathering props and video footage for the Liverpool live art event of Magdalena Makeup. Jayne from Liverpool Biennial Independent will be allocating the space and venue for me soon. She contacted me last week. I am waiting for her email and will let you know when exactly the event will take place.
Magdalena Makeup in Dubrovnik took place on 28/08 and it lasted for 6 hours; it was ‘hard work’ – I came out of it with the notion of ‘work’. My writing about the event is being periodically published on website www.magdalenamakeup.org – new writing will be mostly appearing under JOURNEY. The project has grown unexpectedly: from a little experiment into a major stepping stone in ‘my life in live art’ – especially so because I decided to link it to my upcoming 30 th birthday in late November.
The project now has three major sections:
Live art event in Dubrovnik that already took place (includes a 10 minute video about the process of transformation into Mary Magdalene in Liverpool + the anointing of 22 people)
Live art event in Liverpool that is yet to happen (will include 10 minutes video about the process of transformation into Mary Magdalene in Dubrovnik + the anointing of the maximum of 30 people)
The web event on my 30 th birthday – I will broadcast the video documentary footage that connects the audiences in Liverpool and Dubrovnik, my filming of the anointing of the feet during the actual performances, the tracking of the post cards (my flyers) that have been sent between two homes by the audiences.
In a sense I feel that this project has the depth, in terms of research investigation, needed for a PhD: theoretically it deals with the archetype of Mary Magdalena, it clearly draws from my autobiography/autoethnography; it deals with the notion of ‘home’ which I connect to the feeling of being foreign/other; it is about process – I am constantly filming the process of transformation into Mary Magdalene and even when finally alone with individual members of the audiences I am changing into Mary Magdalene behind them, in the same room, raising the question of intimate space and encounter.
…
As for my family, they are all fine. They are all involved in the making of Magdalena Makeup for Liverpool – bless them! My mother’s especially involved. Gary’s busy making some films for his PhD and filming me. Children love swimming in the sea. I’ve decided to go on a holiday (which means I won’t be opening my laptop nor camera) from tomorrow 06/09 till my return to Liverpool 17/09.”

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